I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
