he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Randomize
