there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
