My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
