i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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