dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
