Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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