she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
what is it with giant penises always finding me
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
