No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
