I cannot find my penis.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
