sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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