so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
