and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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