I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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