On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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