called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
