Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
