wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
