This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
