Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
