I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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