My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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