checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
