We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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