I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
