im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
