The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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