He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
