You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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