I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
