we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
