wake up i wanna do it froggy style
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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