just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
