he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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