I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
