Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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