The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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