Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
