Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
