Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You pole danced in your parka.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
