just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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