I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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