why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
