Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
