Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
