you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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