just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
