Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
