my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Text me some of your sweat
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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