Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
