Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
