Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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