Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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